Overthinking

Over the weekend I had an audition.  Atypically and inexplicably I got really stressed out about it.  I was right for the part, I was prepared . . . what was my problem?  The audition went fine.  I left and stressed out even more, picking apart the experience. 

Today, via Gretchen Rubin's Happiness project blog, I read the following excerpt which she pulled from the book The How of Happiness:

Many of us believe that when we feel down, we should try to focus inwardly and evaluate our feelings and our situation in order to attain self-insight and find solutions that might ultimately resolve our problems and relieve unhappiness. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, I, and others have compiled a great deal of evidence challenging this assumption. Numerous studies over the past two decades have shown that to the contrary, overthinking ushers in a host of adverse consequences: It sustains or worsens sadness, fosters negatively biased thinking, impairs a person’s ability to solve problems, saps motivation, and interferes with concentration and initiative. Moreover, although people have a strong sense that they are gaining insight into themselves and their problems during their ruminations, this is rarely the case. What they do gain is a distorted, pessimistic perspective on their lives.

(here is the link to the full blog post on the subject)

I had, indeed, been guilty of overthinking both before and after my audition.  Not helpful and certainly not conducive to the joy I like to feel (and generally do feel) when I get to participate in my career - in this case, by going on an audition.

It's a good reminder in general.  Sometimes I feel like I have to suffer in order to demonstrate to the universe how badly I want/am working towards something.  I'm pretty sure the suffering actors aren't the ones getting the parts.

Nostalgia

The other night I had a pang of missing life pre-baby. Mostly what I was missing was my giving my husband my undivided attention and vice versa (and a little bit going out to dinner on a more casual basis). Tonight my husband's off on a man date seeing a friend's show (it's my turn Wednesday) and I'm feeling some nostalgia for my single days.

It was great to be single and I'll be really happy when my husband comes home tonight. It was great to be just a couple but I'm looking forward to seeing my little guy when he wakes up in the morning.

Having It All

I was pointed to this essay, What My Son's Disabilities Taught Me About 'Having It All,' by a blog that I read (Mighty Girl). It's worth the read. I read the article in the Atlantic (like everyone else) and, since having my son (in truth, to some extent, before I even became pregnant) I have been as concerned as the next lady about work/life balance. For most of my life, Acting was the number one most important thing to me, my biggest passion and priority. Now it's number two, snuggled close up behind the new number one: my family.

I don't mean to brag, but I have the most wonderful baby. And it isn't really bragging because, honestly, he just showed up like that. Beyond taking my pre-natal vitamins and staying away from the obvious hazards, I swear I had nothing to do with it. He doesn't even really look like me. Since having him, I have felt more capable and ready to succeed as an actor than ever before for reasons that relate entirely to what the author of this essay is saying. I appreciate how great my life is, how lucky I am, and while I still hope to "have it all" - a family and a successful career as a working actor - and I fret regularly about whether I'm doing what I need to get myself there, not being there yet doesn't get me down the way it used to.

Teach, baby!

Addictive

If you have work to do, stay away from the NY Times' GORGEOUS photos of the Olympics. If you have some time, check them out here.

I love a good nap

I remember in college having close friends who often took naps and thinking that napping was a really lame use of their time - there were things to do: work things, fun things . . . things! How could they give up time to napping? I'm a little softer on naps these days - I still don't like them and still rarely take them - but I'm less judgmental of those who do. No, the naps I'm talking about are the naps of my little boy. Not a big fan of going to sleep during the day, my guy. Like his mom, he seems keenly aware of everything that's going on and wanting not to miss a moment. So we've been working on naps and, hopefully, we're making a little bit of progress. Today, he took an epic nap. It was so long I got worried. But I also got a LOT done.

These days, my baby's sleep time - during the day and in the evenings - is my time to work on art. Days that he takes a good long nap let me get a ton of work done towards my arts/career goals which, in turn, lets me be significantly happier and more present with him when he's awake because I don't have the nagging sense that there's so much else I *ought* to be doing. It's kind of satisfying to be able to switch roles so clearly: awake baby = mom; asleep baby = actor/writer. And knowing how precious my work time is (most days) helps me not waste it.

This is not the first, nor, I'm sure, will it be the last surprising and life-improving lesson of parenthood. Thanks, kid. Sweet dreams.

Pinterest

I love Pinterest. There. I said it. It's true. I find it so relaxing that I can save all of the interesting or helpful things I find via the internet in one organized place instead of adding bookmark after bookmark to my browser which I, inevitably, forget.

Thank you, Pinterest, for being such a value-add to my life.

(If you like, you can follow me on Pinterest here.)

Rambling back . . .

It all started with the interview for the really cool job that I very-nearly-but-then-didn't get.  I was asked if I blog.  I do, I told them, but not much.  I explained that there are *so many* blogs out there, I feel some sense of obligation to *contribute* something if I'm going to blog.  I'd like my blog to be a value-add, not just more of the same.  

It's a tall order, especially when the blogosphere seems already saturated with every possible blog-type, blog-entry, blog-opinion under the sun. 

It occurred to me that maybe I need to lower the bar a bit for what it means to "contribute" or "add value."

I remembered the thing (is it John Cage's thing?) about how you can't create and judge your creation at the same time.

I thought about the blogs that I enjoy reading, mostly written by ladies not unlike myself, and considered that what I enjoy are the writers' voices and then fun little things they bring to me - ideas, photos, gadgets, goofy websites.  And I remembered that a decision to blog is not a decision to rise to blog-fame and meet their levels of blog-success.

I thought about how, to act, I need someone else's permission or stamp of approval: I need to be auditioned and cast.  But to write, I need only write. 

I looked around and noticed that my life is mine to make, shape, create.  I noticed that I'm privileged to have a computer, a home, electricity, enough food and free time to be able to blog.

I realized that my baby has been napping for a while now so maybe I'd better hop to it before he wakes up and I miss my chance.

And I noticed how good it feels to say what I have to say - however big or small or serious or silly - instead of keeping it to myself.

I'm not a fan of "oh I've been away from my blog so long, I promise to write more regularly."  That's not what this is.  This is more of an out loud hope to myself that I make more use of this space for my own pleasure and benefit.

Due

It has been quite a while since my last post owing to holidays, buying a home, prepping the new home (painting, carpet shopping, light fixtures, oh my!) moving into that home, and getting ready to have a baby.  In the new year I also rehearsed and performed in a two-week run of a new play called Flying Snakes in 3-D (by Leah Winkler; Everywhere Theater Group) as a psychic pregnant ninja (of course) not to mention presenting the first draft of the Hip-Hoperetta I've been working on to my fellow ensemble members at the NY Neo-Futurists.  It has been a genuinely busy time, personally and professionally. Today is my due date.  For giving birth.  It's true that only 10% of babies come on their due dates but still, it's a reasonable guess and as today has approached there has been some concerted winding down.  Some of it has been intentional - like stepping back from my role in the Hip-Hoperetta so as not to slow down the rest of the team - and some has been unintentional - like the social calls we seem not to be getting, the e-mails that aren't rolling in, the Oscar and super-bowl parties we weren't invited to.  In fact, this morning is the quietest I can remember.  The to-do list is laughably non-urgent, there are no deadlines for me to meet, not a whole lot of the usual for me to do.  It's kind of eerie.

I realize that all of this quiet is about to change drastically and in entirely new and as-yet experienced new ways.  For the moment I'm trying not to chafe against the stillness and to look optimistically forward to the ways in which parenthood will enrich the art I will create in the future.

The girl is crafty like ice is cold!

I fancy myself a crafty lady.  It's true.  But I can't hold a candle to the Uber-Crafters at this year's Craftacular (sponsored by Bust Magazine).  Here are the vendors I especially loved (some of whom I've already patronized and others I hope to patronize in the near future): in the seam.  Amazing, adorable pillows of . . .  probably whatever you want . . . but generally, lots of adorable pets.  Know someone who loves their pet?  Your gifting-search for them can end right here.

Black Lamb.  Had attractive edgy-yet adult t-shirts.  Hipsters would wear these, but non-hipsters will also think they're great.  I especially like the T-Rex and the embroidered shirts.

Boto Designs.  Robots, robots everywhere!  Adorable art, t-shirts, baby things that will make you feel happy.

knitknit.  Beautiful jewlery created via needle-crafts.  Think necklaces where the pendant is a tiny, lovely work of embroidery, beautiful felted pieces . . . and more!  This might have been one of the hardest booths to walk by, observing the "no buying presents for yourself between Thanksgiving and Christmas" rule. (additional stuff at their etsy shop here)

Made in Breuckelen.  Man I want one of these chunky cowl things so bad!  At Craftacular they had many more colors than are currently featured in their etsy shop, so if you don't see the color you want, I'd encourage you to ask.

Hortensia. This was another stall filled with knitted things I wanted to wear.  Cowls, infinity scarves, hats and more.  And, according to their card "Hortensia is entirely handmade by skilled knitters who are lifelong craftswomen." So that's cool, right?

lil'fishy.  OMG. This is some of the cutest baby and kids stuff.  It was hard not to buy one of everything on the spot for my as-yet-to-arrive kiddo.

H.S. Chocolate Co. These folks make super-amazing-delicious candy-bar-style chocolate.  I got the Minnesota Marvel which was full of maple and peanuts and the chocolate itself was extra delicious.  If I'd known how good it was going to be, I probably would have purchased much more on the spot.  Yum!  (Bonus: their candy is hand-crafted from local ingredients & preservative-free!)

Liddabit Sweets.  Delicious sweets, especially their homemade caramels.  My mom makes caramels that are, frankly, equally delicious, but she only makes them once a year and then she gives them away to everybody else, so it's good to know where I can get a fix beyond my small annual allotment from mom.  Also, Liddabit make many more flavors than my mom (like the scrumptious beer & pretzel caramels) and they also make non-caramel sweets that are also wonderful.

Post your crafty favorites in the comments!

Fun News Round-up

Hey, The Internet!  Here are some fun things going on in my life:

• I'll be performing in Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind's Best-Of shows this coming weekend (December 16 & 17).  All the info is here.  I'm excited to share a super-pumped version of my song about Warren Buffett!
• I was just cast in Everywhere Theater Group's upcoming Flying Snakes in 3-D which will go up at the Brick Theater at the end of January.  I'm extra tickled because writer (and lovely lady) Leah Winkler is tweaking the script to feature my bump/unborn baby - our first official mother/son performance.
• I'm on Doollee!  If you don't know, doollee.com is a great website listing playwrights and their plays.  I use it all the time to find information about writers and their work and I'm ridiculously honored that I count enough as a writer to be on doollee too.  My listing is here and I'm extra-inspired to keep writing so that I can add to it!
• The play I was in last Summer - Dia De Los Muertos - was listed as one of the five best plays of 2011 by Indie Theater Now.  Check it out.
• I just completed Josh Pais's Committed Impulse class and that was super fun.

Hope you're having a fun December, too!

Bump

I'm in my 23rd week of pregnancy which, for me, is meaning that only the lowest-rise of my pants fit, my formerly body-skimming t-shirts are now body-hugging.  It also means, with my baby at just over a pound or so, the last third of my pregnancy will involve significantly more growth of baby - and therefore belly - than the first two. In light of all of this, a list of recent parts that came up for me on Actors Access that certainly would not be appropriate for a pregnant lady:

• "Exotic Dancer"
• "Passengers" ... seeking AFTRA and NON-AFTRA economy flight passengers ... All must be ok with period 1960s haircut if needed. No men over 6'1 and 35 waist and no women over 29 waist.
• "Suzanne" 30 to 35, the body of a triathlete . . . [no need to continue]
• "J" Caucasian, Male or female, 18-30s, ANDROGYNOUS in physical appearance. On the outside: fabulously dark drag performer--thin, tall, bewitching; on the inside: cold, austere manipulator. She is the perfect woman when she's a woman and the perfect man when she's not. J is a huge player in the underground club scene. [NOTE: This part also falls into the category below although it would drastically change the genre of the project...]
• "Claire" Fit, lean, a yoga instructor, she has an edgy look and is very liberal.

And here are some that I'd like to see a pregnant lady playing (although that is surely not how these parts were imagined):

• "Annie" 30-50, a kidnapper, calm, cautious and manipulative.
• "Women #1" Beautiful ingénue playing the Bald Soprano, a beauty queen, and others.
• "Baton Twirlers and/or Flag Twirlers" Seeking female expert/parade level baton twirlers and/or flag twirlers.  20 to early 30's. cute, sexy, fun.
• "Distinctive Face" person who might be interesting in playing the face that the lead character hallucinates through the darkness while delirious with cold [Although, here, I'd hope they'd include the full-body shot so that we could see that the lead character is hallucinating a pregnant lady.]
• "Barbara" Looking for an actress to play late twenties/early thirties, but still dressing 'just a bit' younger! Best friend to Rachel. Takes any opportunity to better any cosmetic part of herself that she can change. New hair color. New nip and tuck. Adopts [lead character's] dating app . . . and looks for her match everywhere there's a smart-phone. Which is everywhere. [I want to play this character while I'm pregnant! Comedy gold, no?!]

The more I think about it, the more I think a baby bump might be the newest, best shortcut to giving any character depth and an intriguing back-story.  ;)

Norman Corwin

A week ago, Norman Corwin died.  He was 101 years old and most people I know don't know who he was. At least one person called him the "poet laureate of radio theater" and I think that's a pretty apt title.  You've heard of Orson Welles - you know about his (excellent, expansive) work in radio.  Norman Corwin was doing just as much, if not more, than Welles but ended up less famous.

I discovered Mr. Corwin for myself when I was in college.  I'd been peripherally interested in radio theater for years and, during my Senior year, my friend Tammy and I teamed up to produce and direct a radio play as our "Senior Drama Thesis."  We chose Mr. Corwin's 'El Capitan and the Corporal.'  Along the way, we were given the opportunity to interview Mr. Corwin on the telephone - a conversation during which he said many inspiring things.  His passion for radio, for imagination and creativity was unmistakable.  When our play was done, we sent him a recording and he called us again to say he'd listened to it and to praise our work - a thrill and a point of pride for me still.

The New York Times wrote a nice, and illuminating obituary of him.  I didn't know about his post-radio career or the impact his politics had on his work. I encourage you to read it - he deserves to be known.

I'm sorry he's gone.

Genius in 15 seconds

A while ago, I was speaking with someone who works in advertising. She was explaining that when she watches commercials on TV, her company asked her (all its employees) to rate commercials on a scale that went from "Negative/damaging" all the way to "changes the way people think." I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist.I saw this commercial on TV last night and thought it fell into the latter category. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87XZ-gJsrKA

Wants

Here is a partial, randomly ordered list of things I currently want/wish for: 1. More theater and film roles appropriate for a pregnant lady.  I really like acting and I always wish for more opportunities to do it.  It's kind of a bummer that being pregnant cuts down those opportunities so significantly.  It wouldn't have to be about being pregnant - pregnant ladies do lots of things that are completely non-pregnancy-related all the time.

2. For NYC real-estate to be less harrowing and intense.  I know that as New Yorkers we pride ourselves on being tough enough to live in this super-difficult environment, struggling for quality of life . . . but I think with real-estate we've really gone over the top.

3. A glass (or 12) of wine.

Summer Recap

It was a HUGE Summer.  Here's what I did from June - Now:

• Played an Irish ghost (and my violin for the first time since High School) in the bi-lingual, western, epic, romance Dia De Los Muertos
• Made my directing debut with What The Time Traveler Will Tell Us at Incubator Arts Project.
• Took a 3 week run in Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind (for which I wrote what might be my new favorite play of mine - a song about Warren Buffett called "The Sage of Omaha").
• Booked a VO for Citibank and had a great time recording that - I love being in the booth!
• Booked a principle role for The Onion News Network's second season and can't say enough good things about everyone I encountered during my day of work there.
• Took a 10-week writing class at ESPA with Tanya Barfield and got somewhere between 66% and 75% of my first full-length fictional (as opposed to Neo-Futurist) play written.
• Finished the first draft of the four-episode web series about the early life of Benjamin Franklin (re-writes, which I have been procrastinating, begin today).
• Let's not forget the (minor) earthquake and the (not-so-minor) hurricane Irene.
• Oh, and I'm pregnant (which has involved both being pregnant and keeping that mostly a secret until very recently).

It's been a great, busy, tiring, exhilarating few months.  Here's hoping I can whip my fall into a similarly delightful froth . . .

But what I really want to do . . .

is act. Ha. You thought I was going to say "direct," didn't you?  Well, although acting is my first love, lately I've been having a great time directing and I am very excited to tell you that this Summer I am making my directorial debut with:

What The Time Traveler Will Tell Us August 4 - 13 Incubator Arts Project St. Mark's Church in-the-Bowery 131 East 10th Street (at 2nd Avenue) New York, NY 10003 http://www.incubatorarts.org/index.html

I describe this play as a one-man-show performed by two guys; as Mike Daisey-meets-early-Will-Eno. About time travel.

The writers describe it as "among other things, a live demonstration of time travel. It is the story of a man who breaks through the barrier between universes on a futile mission to cheat death, and of a woman whose reality is fractured by sudden awareness of an event that never happened. It is also the story of a loving grandfather who we might be remembering wrong, two murders (only one of which actually occurred), and, of course, toast."

Toast is delicious.  If you're in NYC, I really hope you'll come see what we've made - I think you'll like it.

Public Service Announcement

I just found out about Google Art Project.  It's like Google street view for museums around the world.  Amazing!

. . . worth 1,000 words . . .

I saw this photo on the most recent Style Rookie post . . . and loved it instantly.  She writes:

This photo from a 1938 issue of National Geographic captioned, "Anne and her family lived alone on an island. She enjoyed having tea time with her friends the spiny lobster and baby hawk."

I was meant for . . .

. . . the stage. (You know that song, right? If you don't, you should. It's posted below) Yes, Friends.  I'm in a play!  My character is an Irish lady who's killed in the Easter Uprising.  In the play, my brother and sister are in Mexico having fled from Ireland in the aftermath of the Easter Uprising.  I appear in flash-backs and as a ghost (woooooo!!).  Also I play the violin which is something I'd not done since the mid '90's and something I've never done on stage: exciting!  Here are the details:

Dia De Los Muertos July 13 - 31 Teatro LATEA At the CSV Cultural and Educational Center 107 Suffolk St New York New York 10002 http://teatrolatea.com/ (follow this link for a synopsis and tickets)

And here, as promised, The Decemberists sing "I Was Meant For The Stage"

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvmyNv6n55A&w=425&h=349]

4th of July Post #2

4th-of-July-related things that I love:

Thomas Paine

Abigail Adams

Historic Colonial Villages

Boat Shoes

Watermelon

Food on the grill

Ferocity

Stripes

Freckles